For anyone who’s attempted to do anything, you know that figuring out “where to start” is the first hurdle.
Right now, I’m sitting at my desk FORCING myself to write. I used to love writing – I’d do it multiple times a day. I’ve written about lots of things from my crazy dating experiences to motherhood to nutrition. It definitely used to be easier than it feels in this moment where I’m struggling simply with “starting”.
There’s a lot happening in my life at the moment. I won’t bore you with the details but a big part of it is digging into a private part of my life that I’ve been hiding and hiding from for so long that it’s painful to talk about. BUT, if I’ve learned anything in my 36 years on this planet I’ve learned that everything worth having comes with a level of discomfort…and this, this is really flipping uncomfortable – so I’m praying it will also be REALLY worth it.
I’m an addict. Whoa – I didn’t expect the surge of emotion that came with writing that down. Crap. I feel like the wind was just knocked out of my chest. Deep breath – ok.
I’m an addict, not of a tangible substance but of love/attention. I’ve had a few people point this out to me over the years (more so the last year) and I denied it HEAVILY – mainly because I was in denial of the truth. “I don’t NEED followers”. “I don’t care about social media”. “I could quit it today and never look back”. Until I actually deleted my personal Instagram account I had no clue how much of an addict I really was.
The first week I felt great – as if I had a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I wasn’t thinking about what I should post or how much engagement it would get. I felt free. I did notice that I was still opening the app but, because I only have access to my company’s account, I was very limited to what I was looking at and sharing.
Week two I started receiving messages from old followers who also follow my company’s page. The outpouring of “I miss your page!”, “you inspired me so much” type of comments was overwhelming and the lies began to creep in. I would think, “Maybe I can be on IG but limit my content”….”Why did I work so hard to grow my following and now I can’t even utilize it for my business”…”I need to grow my following on my company’s page…how quickly can I do that?”.
If you’ve ever heard a “substance” addict try to justify their actions/urges, then you know that’s exactly what I was doing – but with social media. I didn’t want to believe I needed the constant positive reinforcement that I was seeking with my posts. When I realized I had an issue, this began to uncover other difficult areas of my life that were severely lacking….one being my marriage and my relationship with God. That stung – and I knew I was on to something when I recognized that I had replaced those relationships with “likes” and comments from complete strangers.
As a nutritionist I see this same behavior in many of my clients. Not necessarily with addiction to social media but with food.
The difference between my addiction and food addiction is that we require food to sustain life – sure, one could counter that we also need love but not in the same way we require food. And food addiction can be so well hidden that even the people closest to us won’t see the problem…and more often than not, the people closest to us are ALSO addicted to food so bringing it to your attention would mean that they TOO must make a change – dig deep and uncover the root of why they choose food to make themselves feel better. None of THAT is fun, easy or something people want to do – unless they are desperate for a real life change.
If you’re feeling a tugging at your heart reading this post – message us. We would love to help you find freedom from the cycle of food addiction.